Paul’s Anxiety
2 Corinthians 2:12–13
12 When I came to Troas to preach the gospel of Christ, even though a door was opened for me in the Lord, 13 my spirit was not at rest because I did not find my brother Titus there. So I took leave of them and went on to Macedonia.
Anxiety has become common vernacular in our day, but what is it? Is it weakness? Worry? Fear?
Does it require panic attacks or medication? Are you born with it or do you develop it? Do a few have it, or do we all suffer?
I love how Paul describes his anxiety in verse 13: “my spirit was not at rest.” Over the last few years, I have come to understand—and be diagnosed with—an anxiety disorder. For most of my life, I would have said I simply worried a lot, feared certain things, or liked things in a certain way. I bet you can relate to that. You have certain conversations, situations, and/or experiences that cause you to shudder, sweat, and dwell.
So did the Apostle Paul. His spirit was not at rest—even with the great distraction of an open door for ministry. Even with work to be done, Paul could not take his mind off finding Titus and learning how the Corinthians responded to his letter.
Let me explain: Paul had a fragile relationship with the church in Corinth. He loved the people and was actually the founder of the church, but once he left, other voices of influence infiltrated the church and questioned his leadership. The church began drifting away from God’s way, so Paul wrote multiple letters and even made a painful visit. This moment in 2 Corinthians shows that he is anxiously awaiting a report from what theologians call “the Severe Letter.”
I write this today because some of you are struggling with anxiety—whether or not you know what to call it. You are living in a constant state of worry and fear over relational drift, workplace issues, parenting problems, or a rocky marriage. You are consumed by questions like: “What if?” “Did I do something?” “Are they upset?”
This doesn’t mean you are failing—it means you are human. We all struggle in seasons with anxious rumination that can become debilitating. Paul’s anxiety forced him to leave a ripe mission field. What is your anxiety costing you? We will talk more about that tomorrow.
Today, sit with these questions:
What is causing me anxiety?
Am I handling it well, or do I need to seek help?
What is one step I can take today to combat anxiety?
Note: If you are struggling with this today, please reach out to me. Simply respond—it comes directly to me. I am here to help. I have walked this road through counseling and medication and want to help you experience the healing that is available.
Peter Restored
Mark 14:72
72 And immediately the rooster crowed a second time. And Peter remembered how Jesus had said to him, “Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept.
On Sunday we looked at this brutal moment. When Peter realizes he has fulfilled Jesus’ prophecy and saved himself only to deny His teacher, friend, and savior. Peter breaks down and weeps. And in Mark’s gospel, that is the last we hear of Peter, because Mark’s gospel is all about telling us who Jesus is and calling us to follow Him, often by showing us the negative example of those who don’t realize who Jesus is and who fail to follow Him.
But I couldn’t leave the story there, because there have been times in my life where I have felt exactly like Peter did there. Completely broken over how I have failed to follow Jesus who gave His life for me, and how I have chosen my own wants over how Jesus has called me to live.
Maybe you have been there before too, or maybe you feel like you’re in that place right now. Because even though Mark doesn’t include this part of the story, we know weeping outside of the court as Jesus is beaten isn’t the end for Peter.
John 21:15-17
15 When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” 16 He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” 17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.
Even after Peter denies Jesus three times. Even after Peter abandons Jesus to save himself. Look what Jesus does. He gives Peter the chance for restoration and forgiveness. Just like Peter denied Jesus three times, Jesus guides Peter to reaffirm his love for Jesus three times.
Then Jesus commissions Peter to carry out the work of sharing the Gospel to all nations, reaffirming that Peter was not disqualified from Jesus’ love for him or continuing to live for Christ. If Peter was forgiven, so too can you be forgiven, even if you feel like you’re too far gone.
The Temptation of Self-Defense
Mark 14:66-71
Peter Denies Jesus
66 And as Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came, 67 and seeing Peter warming himself, she looked at him and said, “You also were with the Nazarene, Jesus.” 68 But he denied it, saying, “I neither know nor understand what you mean.” And he went out into the gateway[h] and the rooster crowed.[i] 69 And the servant girl saw him and began again to say to the bystanders, “This man is one of them.” 70 But again he denied it. And after a little while the bystanders again said to Peter, “Certainly you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.” 71 But he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, “I do not know this man of whom you speak.”
This week in our devotionals we have spent a lot of time talking about self-denial. What it is, how important it is for our discipleship (following Jesus) as Christians, and some of the things that self-denial can cost us.
But if we are to grow in self-denial, we have to be aware of the opposite that we are so tempted towards. Self-defense.
We love defending ourselves. It’s basically a core American value expressed in our constitution. And to be clear, being a Christian does not mean we are never allowed to defend ourselves. Self-denial in this specific type of situation when we are attacked for something we did or didn’t do is only mandated when it directly furthers God’s plan or increases our commitment to God.
For example, if someone blatantly lies at work and accuses us of saying something terrible that we didn’t say, odds are the right move is to calmly and humbly defend ourselves.
But I don’t need to tell most of us to defend ourselves, we got that part down. Instead, we need to be wary of when we are too quick to defend ourselves.
One example is when we are attacked or accused for something we DID do or failed to do. If we didn’t get our part of the work done, we should own that, not seek to adamantly defend ourselves. If we said something we shouldn’t have, we should be seeking the forgiveness of the person we hurt, not being so quick to remind them what they have done or attempting to justify what we said.
Another example is when defending ourselves will cause more harm than it will help, especially to the cause of God’s Kingdom. This is a more fringe case, but sometimes the best thing we can do is allow ourselves to take the hit or even be slandered for the sake of Christ. This seems counterintuitive, but what if our taking the blame for what someone else did creates an opportunity for a conversation with them about Christ giving us grace that we didn’t deserve? What if allowing our character to be attacked and responding with kindness and grace instead of fighting back makes someone question what they believe about God and those who follow Him?
It’s not pleasant, it’s not easy, but there are times every one of us will face where defending ourselves feels like a necessity, but in reality allowing ourselves to be attacked can better further God’s Kingdom and Gospel work.
We can learn this from Peter’s negative example in our text for today. After every accusation, Peter was faced with a choice. Stand with Jesus in His suffering and allow himself to be attacked, or save himself by sacrificing the opportunity to faithfully follow Jesus. Each time, Peter chose to defend Himself, so we must be wary of falling into the same trap as Peter.
The Cost of Self-Denial
Mark 14:62-65
62 And Jesus said, “I am, and you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of Power, and coming with the clouds of heaven.” 63 And the high priest tore his garments and said, “What further witnesses do we need? 64 You have heard his blasphemy. What is your decision?” And they all condemned him as deserving death. 65 And some began to spit on him and to cover his face and to strike him, saying to him, “Prophesy!” And the guards received him with blows.
Yesterday we discussed what self-denial means, and we looked at Jesus’ example of self-denial in His trial before the high priest. Even as He was falsely accused Jesus remained silent and did not defend Himself. Finally when the high priest brought a true accusation (that Jesus is the Son of God), instead of remaining silent or dodging the question, Jesus again practiced perfect denial of Himself by answering honestly.
Self-denial is an important part of following Christ, but it also often leads to a great cost that you and I may not be willing to pay.
For Jesus, He is beaten, mocked, and eventually His continual self-denial via honest answers about who He is will lead to His torture and death on the cross.
You and I aren’t facing crucifixion for giving up our desires, possessions, or status to faithfully follow Jesus (our definition for self-denial), but we may face very real costs.
If your neighbor, a family member, or a friend from school asks you a question about what you believe, and you know the answer may offend them or be contrary to their worldview, what will you do? Will you answer honestly and simply with kindness, or will you dodge the question or bend the truth about what you believe?
Would you give up your boss’ opinion of you, or even your job in an extreme case, because you either stand up for what you believe or object to something unjust happening at your workplace?
Would you give up your desire for vengeance or even justice if that gives you a chance at forgiveness and a repaired relationship with someone who wronged you?
Would you give up some of your free time/rest time, or your dream of a bigger house, or better car, or more vacations, if those resources or that time could be used for something oriented towards God’s Kingdom?
Self-denial is a lot more important and a lot more costly than we want it to be. But if our Lord can deny Himself to the point of death on a cross for you and me, we have to be better at denying ourselves to follow Him!
Self-Denial
Mark 14:57-62
57 And some stood up and bore false witness against him, saying, 58 “We heard him say, ‘I will destroy this temple that is made with hands, and in three days I will build another, not made with hands.’” 59 Yet even about this their testimony did not agree. 60 And the high priest stood up in the midst and asked Jesus, “Have you no answer to make? What is it that these men testify against you?”[g] 61 But he remained silent and made no answer. Again the high priest asked him, “Are you the Christ, the Son of the Blessed?” 62 And Jesus said, “I am, and you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of Power, and coming with the clouds of heaven.”
What does it really mean to deny yourself? We know that is a vaguely Christian phrase, something that Jesus calls His disciples to. We may have some conception of denying ourselves in terms of not eating something we shouldn’t, or choosing to do what someone else wants to do instead of what we want. But what does Jesus mean when He tells His disciples to deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow Him?
I like to think about self-denial like this. It is the willingness to give up possessions, desires, and/or status to more faithfully be like and follow Jesus.
I talked on Sunday about how challenging that is and some ways you and I can practice that self-denial in our modern lives, but for this devotional I want to look at Jesus’ example of self-denial.
It starts with false witness, people lying about what Jesus has said so the court can punish Him. Already I would have failed to deny myself, and if you’re honest I think many of you could say the same. We HATE being falsely accused of anything, even something so small as eating the last cookie or not replacing the toilet paper roll. Imagine people standing up and attacking your character or the character of someone you love? But Jesus stays silent and chooses self-denial even for this.
Even when challenged by an authority figure, someone who commands respect and has great influence on society (or in your case maybe at work or in your neighborhood, school, or social circle), Jesus still remains silent and denies Himself the “right” to answer and defend Himself.
But self-denial is not always passive or silent. When the high priest finally asks Jesus a genuine question, Jesus could continue to stay silent. He could dodge the question. But instead he answers simply and honestly, without mocking or harshness, even though he knows what it will lead to. He does this because He knows the Father’s plan involves Him giving His life as a ransom for many, and so even though it is unfair, unjust, and infuriating, the court must have a reason to condemn Him.
Sometimes self-denial requires us to stand firm even when we know it’s risky, or to be honest about what we believe when our instinct screams to lie or dodge the question.